life is turning for the better

Lately i have been very doubting of my relationship with this person. But, because my friends are amazing they convinced me to stop stressing out and that took a lot of weight off of my shoulders. I love you all my friends that are reading this. You guys are awesome. Also, thanks to my friends I stopped stressing and now my relationship is more perfect than i had ever imagined. This guy is perfect for me. He makes me laugh and sometimes even cry from the amount of laughing i do on the phone with him. When i am sad or mad he knows exactly what to say to make me better from whatever is wrong even when it is his fault. In school today it started off as a rough day because he was ignoring me but then i found out why and i understood. But, there was a really aggrivating part to my day today. While i was walking out of lunch these two girls decide that because i am walking with my boyfriend and they didn't know we were dating at the time so they decided to be hanging all over him cause they like him. Then to a good part of my day. He acted so adorable after what happened and made me feel better. then in the hall i was like " you know you love me" and i made a heart with my hands. Then the first thing that happened was he came and gave me a hug then i had to go so he made a heart just like me and said " " of course i do and always will" so today was a pretty great day when it comes down to it =)!!!!!!!

M Birthday

Ok sorry for not writing in a while but yeah as you have seen in the title today is my birthday! As some people would say YEAH and as others would say BOO but for me i am right int he middle. Today went nothing like i had hoped or planned. Most of my friends and even people i thought hated me told me happy bithday except a few people that i care about a lot. There are these two boys that i like a lot and neither of them remembered my birthday. That hurt so i am now confused about what to do about them. If any suggestions tell me. =) But, today was pretty awesome in terms of the fun level in all my classes. It was hilarious when everyone in most of my classes sang happy birthday. That made me laugh cause now i think that i may just hate that song. hehe. But, yeah my birthday was fun. My family got me a lot of good presents. Here is my issue my brothers and even my own dad forgot about me totally. Said nothing to me all day. No happy birthday no go die. NOTHING! that really pissed me off i know that i hate my dad and all as all of you know but i thought at lease i am still his blood and daughter right? so yeah but i hardly expected from my dad haven't seen or heard from him in years. Sucks right? just think how it would be if you were me. HEHE! now that is funny. Well i will wrap this up so there is not to much to read for my lovely followers. Love you guys <33333
Happy birthday to me <3 !

steph completes my life

ok, so i know i haven't written anything in a while but here this goes. Steph and me made up this plan called operation buzz off so that i could get my mind off of this one person. One of my rules was to find someone that was going to be a distraction for me. The first person i chose that got messed up becasue someone couldn't keep their mouth shut about things that i say. Then i thought that i couldn't go through with this operation buzz off so i wanted to give up. But steph being the amazing person she is told me not to give up on trying this because it was going to go right eventually. So just for her i didn't give up and then something did go right. A new distraction found me. Now that distraction is the one i am dating. So, now i owe steph like my life cause right now i am so happy. Hope this one works out for the best. hehe. Thanks Steph !!!!! <3 you are amazing!

2/4/09 at school

Ok lets just say i can some up my day into 2 words. IT SUCKED. My mind was not on school. It just kept thinking about this person all day long and there wasn't a second that it skipped my mind. So yeah and to add to that last night i had a huge breakdown because of this person so now i not only feel bad cause i told them now they are confused. But also because now i might have ruined the persons relationship with his girlfriend. I hate this so much it is so annoying and it only happens to me. Everything bad always happens to me in this world. So yeah today sucked. Oh then there is more my mom expects me to be perfect so today when i found out i have a C in english for the marking period she flipped out and said " i am not mad at you i am super disappointed in you" So now when my mom gets home she is going to flip out on me about that one C. OMG it is only a C i am still gunna pass. So yeah today was just an addition to the hell that i live on a daily basis.

why do i feel this way?

Why do i feel this way? this is not right to feel. i can't do this to her she is my friend now and so sweet. i can't but i want to. what do i do? i don't know i feel so torn i think i want to press snooze. i can't let this feeling be lost, for it is the only one i have to share. everything to me is so deep no one can find it. only u can see it in my eyes when i am torn. u say you are not mad at me but how i wish i could tell you how i feel about you. There is only one problem you are what my heart wants but everything it can't have. It is hard to know that your heart belongs to a person but there's belongs to someone that isn't you. It is like i have no clue which is more dominate in me the want to get or the logic it defies. This is so hard for me to do but my desire is having to take a back seat because logic is the only thing that is keeping me from what is desired. But logic in this is the painful truth. I can't have his heart and i never will again. I messed it up and it is on me, but can't be fixed. So i will go on having to see him everywhere and knowing that he is like a huge box that you can't open until it is a certain day. It just sits there and the anticipation eats you alive until the day you can rip the box open and see what it reveals. But, for me the box never will be opened again. Why can't this dream end and things go back to normal as it once was? My alarm wake me up and that terror was all a dream. i will tell you why because i live my worst nightmare.

today and two amazing people

ok so today was fun at times but at others completely aggravating. ok lets start off with the bad. Ok so i had been doing a project for italian and since as usual no one paid attention to what i said i told my partner to work alone cause i was sick of her shit. but of course no one listens to me so she thought i was gunna do the project alone and add her name. So yeah the period before the project had to be handed in me and her fought about how i am a liar and that i never told her that. So in the end i hopefully got a good grade on it. [cross my fingers hehe] i better get a good grade considering i was absent the day we learned about the subject to the project and i did it all alone on translater last night. So i better have gotten an A or B. Now to the fun part to my day. i got to not change for gym and i got to lose my voice all in the same hour and a half. We had a brain buster thing so i didn't have to change for gym cause in the middle we had to go to this assembly. Then as the assembly went on i kept losing my voice. I was screaming WAY to much but i couldn't help it. Plus when the kids faced the teachers we won so now we have no homework. Except two of my teachers think that it is okay although we got given a day of no homework that they were going to ruin it by making us still do the things that they assigned which i find totally unfair. So now i have to friggen watch and record my diet for the next like six days and write an open ended for a unit test grade. As far as recording my diet i am going to like eat salads and shit the whole time cause i will look fat if i put down my usual diet. That completely ruined my happy, homework free day. OH and lets back track to like a few days ago. I used to hate this girl named Alyssa because she is dating my ex who i still liked and currently like again. But, yeah i got to know her and she is actually one of the most amazing people i have ever met in my life. She is so chill about everything and excepted me liking her boyfriend cause she knew i couldn't help it. She is so understanding about like everything and i feel like i have known her forever although it has only been like a few days. She is fun to talk to and is all random and goofy like me. But, yeah in time i will hopefully be over dan and over mike so that i don't ruin anything for anyone. Although i would never do that to alyssa cause she is so nice. She even wanted me to actually tell her the issues i have with people and isn't that amazing cause she wanted to know and didn't get mad at me. That i just find amazing cause people these days are just so closed minded. Alyssa when you read this you are the best! And so are you steph for being like my therapist for all my issues. Especially the dan ones. And i hope you both know that at anytime you can come to me with your issues and i will be happy to help. Ok i think i have written enough for now so i will go. more later probably. bye ;)

a song i wrote when i got board

Our Love
When i first saw you my heart sank to the bottom of the ocean
Then when we met it sang to me with such a beautiful tune
at the sight of your smile my heart lit up like a star
your love made me feel like i was the best
our eyes meet and my heart pounds out of my chest.

our love is the best
better than the rest
when our hearts meet, you see the best
and when they part, we keep the other at heart

You make me feel different like i am perfect
like i am everything you want and all you need to live
to see you makes me get a tingle, like your single
i wish you were, but all i know is for sure that your heart is mine and mine is yours
every beat is yours to keep

Our love is the best
better than the rest
when our hearts meet, you see the best
and when they part we keep the other at heart

you are the only that can make me love
for it to be true no lies are said to you we
are the perfect fit like two puzzle pieces
haha you make me laugh, the best feeling in the world

to be away from you kills me down inside
you are the prince to my princess, the one i
have waited for my whole life. i love your voice and everything about you
you sound like the angel to my dreams. you are absolutely perfect
for my heart cause with you it will never part

Our love is the best
better than the rest
when our hearts meet, you see the best
and when they part we keep the other at heart

Guitars make me amazed but when you plat i get blown
away. your playing makes me happy and your smile lights the room
you make me so nervous to not mess up things around you
my heart never breaks when we are together but falls to pieces when we're apart